The Male Loneliness Epidemic
No girl wants you for one of three reasons: you are indecisive, you have no backbone, or you do not put in real effort. Women crave a man who leads, holds his ground, and actually tries. Fix those three traits and you stop being undateable. The fix is in your control, not theirs.
I was scrolling through Instagram reels and TikTok the other day, and the male loneliness epidemic kept coming up on my page. It got me thinking about something specific - what are the traits that make a guy fall perfectly into that loneliness epidemic?
I'm not talking about guys who choose not to deal with women. I'm talking about men who want to get better with dating, who get chances here and there, but when those opportunities arise, they mess them up every single time.
"Hey man, I get chances here and there, but when I get these chances, they don't convert."
— Every guy in my coaching program before we fix these three things
If that sounds like you, you're in the right place. Today I'm breaking down the three traits that are making you undateable. And before you ask - no, I'm not going to sugarcoat this. We're going to get real about what's actually happening and how to fix it.
Trait #1: Indecisiveness (The Dating Killer)
The first thing I see from guys I coach full-time is indecisiveness. I'll see a girl post on TikTok about an interaction she had with a guy. The conversation goes like this:
Girl: "Okay, so what were you thinking?"
Guy: "I don't know, what do you want?"
Look, I get it. Some guys think, "Hey man, it's 2025. I'm not going to be this masculine gender role guy. She can make decisions too." But here's the reality that might hurt your feelings: I don't care how feminist a woman is, I don't care how much she claims to hate traditional gender roles - these women still crave to be led by a masculine guy.
Nothing can beat our core programming. She can have all these anti-male views, but at the end of the day, they all want to be led by a masculine man. So when you get a match on a dating app or approach a girl on the street and the topic of plans comes up, don't you dare form your lips to say "Well, what do you want?"
How to Plan Dates Like a Leader
You should nine times out of ten say: "You know what, I'm going to go on Yelp and look something up." At least say that. It's better to say that than to defer the choice to her, because you're basically saying "Hey, let me work on it" versus "What do you want?"
And here's me being extra, but I learned this from women - they look at things way deeper than we do. They think: "Well, if he can't plan a date, he probably can't plan his future." They start going that deep over you not knowing where you want to take her on a date. Seriously.
Chad's Date Planning Formula:
- • Have 3 bar spots ready at the top of your head
- • Have 3 restaurant options you can name immediately
- • When in doubt: "8:30 Friday, wear that dress I like"
- • At the date: "What do you want to drink? You know what, I'll take care of it"
The indecisiveness goes deeper though. You pick her up to hang out - "What are we going to do?" "I don't know." You get to a restaurant - "Oh, what are you going to get?" "I don't know."
I know I'm being extra here, but women still crave more masculine traits than men. When you're very indecisive, you don't know what you want, and it becomes a massive turn-off.
Having Direction in Life
And don't let her ask you "What do you want to do with your life?" If she asks you that question and you're like "I don't know" - turn off. Again, guys, I know I'm being picky with this, and this isn't how it should be, but it is what it is.
I can ask a girl "What are your plans for the future?" and if she says "I'm not sure," I'm not going to judge her. I don't care. But let a woman ask you what you want to do with your life, and if you hit her with the "I don't know," she can get turned off.
The Reality Check:
Indecisive men tend to turn women off. It doesn't turn them on. If you're a guy watching this right now where you had an opportunity with a woman and when plans came up, you deferred to her with "What do you want to do?" - you may have never heard from her again.
Most girls will say "Well, I'm indecisive too, so we both can't be indecisive, right?" One trait I can guarantee will help you out a lot in your dating life is being decisive. When you go to a bar, you ask her "What looks good for you?" If she says "I don't know," you respond with "Don't worry, I'll order for us."
Trait #2: Having No Backbone
Shout out to my girl Sadia Khan - she said something very profound that I always thought to be true, but she articulated it perfectly. She says: "A woman can't be turned on by you if she knows she can manipulate you."
The Manipulation Test
If a woman knows "Oh, John... it's fine, I know I can just say my dog is sick and he'll believe me" or "This guy... yeah, I can easily hold out from sex, he's not going anywhere" - if they know they can manipulate you, they don't desire you as much.
That's why the so-called "bad boys" - girls like them so much because those guys will go "Nah, I'm not going for that. Nah, you're good. You're done. You're cut. You're blocked." Those girls know that when they're dealing with these guys, they have to be on point because they know he'll walk away if they're not treating him with the utmost respect.
The Backbone Test Scenarios:
Girl cancels plans multiple times. Guy with no backbone keeps rescheduling. Now she knows she can flake whenever she wants without consequences.
She knows she can do whatever, flake on dates, and still get attention and validation throughout the day because you'll keep texting her.
Standing Your Ground in Discussions
On every date I go on, I try to challenge the person I'm with to a friendly discussion. This is where I completely annihilate them - I know it's a hot take, but this girl needs to know "Oh, this guy, if he disagrees with me, he'll say why and break it down step by step."
I've been on plenty of dates where me and the girl had a discussion and I was like "Yeah, but what about this and that and how about this and also this and also that." Her jaw hit the floor because I completely articulated my point without being rude or mean, and I disagreed with her.
Now she's thinking "Wow, a guy who will disagree with me. Most guys on dates are kissing my feet, kissing my ass - why? Because they want sex." So if she knows that when she says something this guy doesn't agree with, he'll say "Why?" and tell her she's wrong or offer a different perspective...
Example from Chad's Dating Life:
Guy: "Oh, I actually think Dodge makes great trucks."
Girl: "Nah, actually Ford is better."
Weak Response: "You know what, actually Ford does make better trucks."
(You'll even disagree with yourself just to be agreeable)
I believe women, to an extent, don't like men who are too agreeable. I think that's a human thing - if someone is too agreeable, it's like "Where's your backbone? Where are your opinions?"
Do your best to have a bit more backbone. If a girl says "Oh, let's do this," go "You know what, that place... the customer service isn't good, the food's not very tasteful. Let's go here." Have a backbone.
Standing on Your Beliefs:
For example, if I tell a girl "Hey look, if I'm going to be the sole provider of the family - as in I pay my bills, the bills, and your bills - I am the person in the house who has the last say."
I've had girls go "Well, that's not fair."
"Well, it's not fair I pay all the bills, huh?" We had a much deeper discussion, but my point is: are you able to stand on what you say and back up what you believe?
Any person who disagrees with me, I'm totally happy to hop on a Zoom and have a discussion because I believe in what I say so much I'm willing to defend it. If you have opinions about dating, sports, whatever, and you aren't able to defend them - that's a lack of backbone and lack of identity.
Trait #3: Lack of Desire to Try
If you ever had the opportunity to go through a girl's phone when it comes to Hinge, you will see all of the low-effort messages. And here's the thing: most of these guys on dating apps - if it's not for the dating app, they're not going to meet women at all.
You would think if they thought about it that way, they'd try harder. But most guys don't. They put half-ass effort into everything, and it's very ironic.
The Dating App Reality Check
When was the last time you approached a girl sober? When was the last time you actually took dating app photos with intent? You got a haircut, put on some cool clothes, went to a cool restaurant or rooftop bar in town?
When was the last time you actually tried? For a lot of guys, the answer is never, or it's been a long time.
The Brutal Truth:
If you're walking around with clothes from high school, hair growing all over your ears, your sideburns coming down your face, your beard's patchy, your mustache is... and you expect women to come around and like you - you deserve what results you get.
The Self-Improvement Paradox
Men will lock in when it comes to resources. A lot of guys will go to school and go monk mode - not go out, try to get the best GPA so they can get into the best graduate school. They'll put so much effort into their careers.
Some guys put so much effort into their physique where they're counting every calorie, tracking every workout. But when it comes to "Yo, go approach that girl," they're like "Well, why can't she just approach me?"
It's almost like they feel entitled to women because they've done some type of self-improvement. The men who do the best with girls - this is not 100% true, but there are guys out there who just simply try harder and they have more results.
Men Who Crush It Actually:
- • Craft their dating profiles to look good
- • Take Chad's (or other coaches') advice and actually apply it
- • Put their ego to the side and actually try
- • Understand that the guys who do best try the most
Why is it that guys will lock in with the gym - count every calorie, track every workout - they'll do their best with their career to make their money, but women is the one thing where a lot of guys have too much pride to try?
I don't get it. Maybe somebody in the comments can explain it, but I know a complete life is health, wealth, and relationships. A lot of guys are neglecting relationships - both with their guy friends and with women.
Chad's Personal Results:
My results with women? Fantastic. Now, some of you may say "Well, where's your girlfriend?" Great point. Half of me is looking for it, half of me isn't. I'm cool meeting up with different beautiful women all parts of LA all the time.
The other half of me does want a relationship, but the fact that I get opportunities means I'll get my end result - a good girlfriend, a wife eventually. But I'm putting in the work to actually find her.
I'm putting up high-quality images on dating apps, doing actual real-life approaches, going out to events and social events and meeting people that way. I'm putting in the reps because I don't have an ego. I understand the guys who do the best with girls try the most.
Women are in the gym doing skincare routines, getting their nails done, lashes done - they're actually doing the work to make themselves attractive. Now, women have a different beauty standard, yes, but women are actually doing the work.
Us as men, we don't have to do as much, however, at least put your effort out there to attract the most you can. Whether it be dating apps or in person, most men are not putting up the reps to get the results they're looking for.
Key Takeaways & Action Steps
In conclusion, the men who are undesirable in this society share a lot of traits. If I had to say the most important one, it would be the last one - having too much ego to even try. But indecisiveness is right up there with it.
The Chad Formula for Dating Success:
8:30 Friday, wear that dress I like (Be decisive about plans)
"What do you want to drink? You know what, I'll take care of it" (Lead in the moment)
Know exactly what you want to do with your life (Have direction and purpose)
Be decisive, fit, on point haircut, good physique, charismatic, confident
If you can be a decisive male with direction in your life, you're fit, your haircut's on point, you have a good physique, you're charismatic and confident - your dating life shouldn't be anything less than maybe a date a week, maybe even three a month.
Ready to Transform Your Dating Life?
If you're a guy who feels like you have it together but the dating life just isn't there - whether online or in person - that's exactly what I do full-time. I take a guy and give his dating life a complete 180 where he's able to get way more matches, approach way more girls, and get new photos for dating apps.
I even hire you a photographer so you can get photos for Instagram and dating apps. Now you're attracting girls on Instagram too, which a lot of guys do not do.
The choice is yours: you can keep doing what you're doing and getting the same results, or you can put your ego aside, be willing to try, and actually get the dating life you deserve. If you want help fixing these traits fast, take a look at the coaching program.