The main reason you fail with women is the phrase "but what if she." It makes you date for her pleasure instead of your own: you skip the approach, bend on logistics, and never ask her back. The fix is to date on your terms. Decide what you want, lay down the program, and let the wrong women filter themselves out.
The Four-Letter Phrase Destroying Your Dating Life
There's a four-letter phrase that is completely ruining so many men's dating lives across the world. Do you want to know what it is? "But what if she..."
You're probably thinking, "Chad, what's the problem with 'but what if she'?" Well, let me tell you exactly what the problem is. This phrase is the reason why a guy doesn't approach a girl. It's the reason why he doesn't do a date on his side of town. It's the reason that he doesn't go for the kill, if you know what I mean.
That statement runs most dudes' lives to where they never ask themselves the question, "But what if that's what I want?" A lot of men today are only dating for the woman's pleasure. I don't like dinner, but she does, so dinner first date. I don't want to wait for sex, but I know she probably will, so I won't even ask her back to my place. I want to approach that girl, but what if she thinks I'm a creep?
"But what if she" is a way that most men cop out and don't do what they want to do because they're scared of how the woman will react to them doing what they want to do. So they much rather bend the knee, not put up with any type of rejection, so they can save face and save their ego.
But let me ask you something: How is that going? How is always putting what the woman wants in front of you? And here's the kicker - you don't know what she wants! That's what's so funny.
There's probably been a time where a girl did an everything shower, shaved every hair off her body, drove 30 minutes to see you, and you didn't even ask her back to your place. You thought you didn't see her again because maybe it was a bad date. No, she was like, "Damn, can a girl get some dick around here? I can't even get that. I'm out of here." It's happened to you at least one time, right?
Online Dating: Stop Bending to Her Every Whim
I made a video a couple weeks ago saying how I like to ask the girl I'm talking to come to my side of town because I know all the cool spots, and plus, since it's by my place, the logistics are perfect for me. I don't want to drive far, so she will. I want to go to a place where I know the drinks are good, so we're going to the places I like.
Guess what happened in the comment section? There was a lot of pushback from women saying, "I would never drive to a guy's side of town. I would never want to go to a man - if he wants me, he can come to me."
I know when guys saw that, they panicked a little bit. "But Chad, look at all these negative comments. I can't do that because what if she gets mad at me." There you go, there it is. You may have even thought that mentally while listening to this.
But why do you care about what they think? Guys, in dating, let's just say there's 10 girls in a room and 10 girls find you attractive. I don't want you to change your game plan according to who's in front of you. If these 10 girls - let's say out of those 10 girls, five go, "Hey, I'm not coming to your side of town," you would say, "Great, exit stage left," literally.
Because I much rather only go out with girls who are on my program than bend and be malleable for girls who are not. Those girls are going to be harder to sleep with, harder to date, because from day one they're putting their standards on the ground and saying, "Hey, I'm not coming to your side of town."
For me, I'm dating women on my terms. Therefore, there is no "but what if she." "Chad, what if she says I'm not coming to your side of town?" Then tell her to kick rocks. "But Chad, what if she says she doesn't drink?" Okay, y'all can still go to the bar and have a mocktail. Doesn't matter. My point is, you lay down the program. If she wants to come along, great. If she doesn't, she can kick rocks.
Approaching Women: Stop Caring What She Thinks
With the rise of online dating apps, approaching has become damn near obsolete. If you approach a girl in broad daylight at like Sunday at a farmers market, ask her when's the last time a guy approached you in person like this. She'd be like, "Damn, I couldn't even tell you," because most guys much rather swipe, and I don't blame them. It's from the comfort of your own home, right? You can swipe 10 times, 100 times - it's all good.
But approaching, in my opinion, is where you make the best connection. The story behind it is better. So I love approaching, but what makes guys not approach is the first one: "But what if she thinks I'm a creep?"
Guys, I don't care what women think when I approach them. I'm attracted to them, therefore I'm going to go talk to them. If me saying, "Hey, excuse me miss, what's your name? I think you're attractive. I think we should go out for a drink sometime" - if she thinks that is creepy, then I don't want her. I don't like her. That's not creepy.
It'd be different if I walked up to her and I was making comments on her body and I was being very sexual. Okay, fine, pull the creepy flag out. But if I just walked over to her and said, "Hey, what's your name? I find you attractive. I'd love to take you out for a drink sometime," if she thinks that's creepy, then she's a loser. She's a weirdo. And I guarantee you, if she told her friends what happened, they would go, "Girl, that was just a normal approach."
So stop thinking about the worst-case scenario in regards to approaching women because you don't know what she thinks. And that's what makes it so interesting to me when guys say, "But what if she..." You don't know!
"But what if she has a boyfriend?" Okay, she'll cheat if she finds you attractive. "But what if she is busy?" I don't care. I don't care if a girl has AirPods in while walking her dog while on her phone. If I find her attractive, I'm going to say excuse me. She's going to take her AirPods out, she's going to pause her song, she's going to do everything I say. Why? Because I said so.
Stop Being Ashamed of Your Sexual Desires
The next and last thing I want to talk about is asking a girl back to your place. A lot of guys, in my opinion, are ashamed of being horny, for lack of better words. They're ashamed of being sexual, and I want to ask you a question: Why, bro?
These girls have vibrators and they're getting themselves off five, six times a night. Don't ask me how I know that because I just know. A couple girls who told me - these girls are freaky and they're horny. So don't think, "Oh, a girl, a good girl wouldn't want to do that." Yes, yes they all do, bro. They all do.
The reason why you're scared to ask her back to your place is you're thinking, "But what if she thinks I'm moving too fast? But what if she thinks I just want one thing? But what if, but what if, but what if..."
Guys, I'm going to say the same thing: I don't care. I don't care. A lot of you date for the woman's pleasure. Start dating for yours. Start being way more selfish and watch your dating life change forever.
Girls are great at dating because they're very good at telling guys what to do. And since guys want sex, they bend. But not me. I'm not bending. If I say meet me here and you go, "No, meet me over here," I'm not going to do that. I'm selfish, and so is she. So I guess we just can't be together. That's okay.
I don't care how a girl would perceive me if I were to ask her back to my place. I just don't care because guess what? She's done it before. I don't know why you think this girl in front of you is some angel saint. She's not. If this girl is like 28, 30, trust me, she's had plenty of casual experiences. You're not her first.
You Have Permission to Date Exactly How You Want
I want you to look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself: Are you dating the way you want to? And if you aren't, I give you permission to do so. I do. I give you permission to date exactly the way you want to.
What bar do you want to go to in town? That dive bar? Cool, go there. What time you want to see her? 7:30? Nice, do that. Oh, you want to ask her back to your place? Yeah, do that. That's fine. Go ahead and do your thing. I'm giving you permission because a lot of you guys are only dating the way women want you to date.
And how's that treating you so far? If it's going great, awesome. If it's not broke, don't fix it. But if you're like, "Damn, I'm doing all these dinners and grand experiences for these girls the first time and it leads nowhere," okay, I'm giving you permission to date exactly the way you want to.
Because at least if it doesn't go anywhere, it was on your terms and not hers. Women are so situational with sex, it's insane. One guy she met first night, next guy waited four dates. I'm not kidding - ask your friends who are girls and they'll tell you the truth.
Stop letting "but what if she" run your life. Start asking yourself, "But what if this is exactly what I want?" and then go do it. The right women will appreciate your confidence and clarity. The wrong ones will filter themselves out. Either way, you win.