Dating comes down to four skills. Lead generation: how women find out about you, through approaching, apps, and your social circle. Dating logistics: making her invest by coming to your side of town. Not caring: outcome independence, so you stop obsessing over women who aren't yours. Walking away: ending what no longer serves you. Get all four to a seven out of ten and you always date well.
Skill #1: Lead Generation - How Girls Know About You
If you're a guy that follows multiple different dating content creators - this guy says to do this, this guy says to do that - I want to summarize the dating game with just four simple steps. I like when dating advice is simple and easy, not a bunch of theory, just straight to the point.
The number one most important thing about dating is going to be lead generation. For those of you who are not business savvy, lead generation simply means how are girls knowing about you? How are girls getting to know you? And that's where most guys struggle.
You see, you can't get to the other steps of this if you can't even generate leads. So the first problem most guys have is they can't approach a girl to save their life. What happens is dating apps have become so popular that most guys see beautiful women every day and let them walk right out of their life.
Taking Control Through Approaching
The reason guys don't approach is they don't want to get rejected, and also if they're already talking to like a few girls on a dating app, they're like "why risk rejection? Why risk my ego being crushed by this random girl who hasn't even given me the time of day when I can talk to these girls who are already physically attracted to me because they swiped on me?"
So most guys' dating lives are in the hands of an algorithm. Since they can't approach women and meet women in their real life, they have to wait on Hinge, wait on Tinder, wait on Bumble and all these other apps to give them the opportunity to meet a woman.
For me, I don't like having anybody being in control of my dating life but me, so I don't mind approaching. That's the first part of lead generation - you will add so many more girls to your life if you can learn to approach.
I don't care if you're at a grocery store, I don't care if you're at the gym, the bar, the club, the coffee shop - if you can pull up on girls you find attractive, that makes your dating life now in your hands, not social media.
You Cannot Outwork a Dating App
Now I know I kind of just talked shit about dating apps, but guys, you cannot outwork a dating app. Let's just say you're not paying for dating apps - I think Hinge gives you seven swipes a day, Bumble may give you like ten. So if you max out both - seven swipes on Hinge, ten swipes on Bumble - that is seventeen shooting your shots a day.
And when you do that much volume, eventually you're going to meet a woman. Now what are the chances you make seventeen approaches in real life in a day? Zero. That's why a lot of guys' dating lives are so trash - because they can't approach a girl in real life, they can't get matches, so they're running around with their heads cut off not knowing what to do because nothing is working.
If you're going to use dating apps properly, this is where you have to have good photos. Now yes, you're going to have to drop your ego a bit, get a good haircut, go get some good clothes, go to that nice hotel in your area - they usually have nice lounge chairs and nice couches in the lobby, they usually have a rooftop deck with the pool, maybe there's a skyline if you live in a cool city.
Utilize cool areas and take good photos. Make sure they're candid, you're not looking into the camera like this and looking all cheesy. Make it look like you're living an amazing life. That's why I think a lot of guys struggle with their pictures - they just post up the camera selfie in their car, selfie in their bathroom with the toilet seat up.
Getting dating apps to work will be an amazing way for you to start getting more leads through the door. I meet more women online than I do in person for that reason - because my pictures are good. When girls are landing at LAX airport, they're pulling up Bumble, they're pulling up Hinge, they see your boy and they're swiping right.
Skill #2: Dating Logistics - Making Her Invest
The second skill you need to learn to master this game is to have good dating logistics. Whenever I hop on a client call and I talk to them about their dates, they're usually guys that are successful, so money is not the problem. But what they do is they make the girl do little to no investing.
What do I mean by that? They offer to pick her up at her place and take her to a bar or restaurant in her area. And I'm like "bro, how about you have that girl drive her car over to your area and you do a bar by your place?" And their brain just - I can tell their eyes just shoot up - they're like "wait a minute, he's right."
Logistics are so important. If you're driving thirty minutes across town to go see a girl and then you say "hey, come back to my place" and she's like "oh well, how far do you live?" and you say "thirty," she may go "uh, I don't know." Now she's thinking about "oh, I'll be up late" and you just killed the vibe.
If that girl drove to your side of town and you go "yeah, my place is five minutes away," that makes her more likely to go "you know what, it's not that far, I'll do it."
Setting the Right Mood
The next part of dating logistics is choosing a location that's best for you to win. I'll have guys say "yeah man, took this girl on a date." I'm like "where'd you go?" "Oh, we went mini golfing." "Oh, we went and got smoothies at noon."
I'm like "dude, you have to pick a time and a place that's sexy." The freaks come out at night. Therefore, if you're eating a charcuterie board in a park at 2:00 PM on a Saturday, you're not as likely to get back to your place. You're more likely to get back to your place when it's 8:00, the meetup time, you're at a bar with low lighting, some jazz music. You know what I'm trying to say - set the mood.
A lot of you guys are not setting the mood. You guys are hanging out with girls like you would your homeboy or you would a friend who's a girl. No, this is a romantic partner - date nights only.
So if you have a date set with a girl at like 7:00, then she texts you "hey, I actually just got on lunch break, want to go grab a lunch instead?" Hell no. What she's saying is "hey, come see me on a time block of time where I have one hour, sex is completely off the table, and I get to see if I like you before I see you a second time."
No guys, you need to set lines in the sand. I'm going to a bar at night, 8:00, low lighting, date night vibes. And make sure it's a place where you can sit next to her. There's no point of going to a place where you're sitting five or six feet away from her - it's hard to break the touch barrier, it's hard to get intimate when you're so far away from your date.
Skill #3: Not Caring - The Power of Outcome Independence
The last two skills are the hardest for most men to conquer. If you can get to these skills right here, these next two, you're on God mode.
Skill number three: not caring. Oh my gosh, most of the DMs I get from guys is "how do they get a girl back?" It's always "yo, went on a date, she didn't text me back." "Yo, after the date I texted her and she's on Instagram and she won't text me back." "Oh, this girl I called her, she didn't call me back." "Hey bro, this girl is - how do I know if this girl is talking to other guys?"
Most guys are caring way too much about girls who don't care about them. Most guys are caring so much about girls who they're not even dating - that's not your girlfriend.
Dating is easy when you simply don't care about the outcomes. I don't care if I sleep with her, I don't care if we ever get in a relationship, I'm just dating, I'm just vibing, and I'm going to do what I want. So I'm going to wake up, I'm going to go to the gym, I'm going to work on my business all day. After work around 6:00, 7:00, I shoot her a text: "yo, what you up to this weekend? What you up to tonight?" And that's when we start talking when I'm ready to.
Now while I was working, did I care about who she could have been with, who she could have been texting? Absolutely not, because that's not my girl. You guys care way too much about women who don't even care about you like that. Isn't that crazy? Isn't that insane that there's men out there who are so concerned about a girl's every move?
If you've only been on one date with this girl and you're already turning into a private investigator, I can only imagine if this girl is your girlfriend, because if you care this much, imagine when she's actually yours.
Skill #4: Walking Away - Drawing Lines in the Sand
And the final thing - this separates the boys from the men right here, this will separate the boys from the men - you are able to charge her to the game.
A lot of guys, how their mindset works is they have to get an ROI. So if they go on a first date, dinner, spend $125, $150, in their head: "I'm going to keep going until I get a relationship or sex." And then all of a sudden date five and you're like "okay, maybe one more date, maybe it takes a sixth date."
Brother, the problem with your logic is you think the more that you invest into her, the more she'll like you. It's actually the opposite - the more you invest into her, the more you like her. Which is why earlier I said no, this girl has to drive to my side of town, I have to get her investing as well, because if she does no investing, she won't like you like that.
That's why the girl who legit goes to work while her boyfriend's at home, the girl who pays all the bills and the boyfriend is just taking her car - she's investing more into the relationship, which is why she likes him more. That's why bums get girls - because that bum makes that girl work for him.
You have money, you're successful, and you're working for these girls, but they never give you any value back - maybe sex, if that. Some of you guys don't even get that.
Being able to go "you know what, this situation is no longer serving me, I'm done" - most guys can't do that. Just the other day, I had to cut off a girl I really liked because three dates went by and I didn't get laid. I wasn't willing to wait, I wasn't willing to invest more time and date her on her terms. I only date girls on my terms.
She was an amazing girl, she was dope, super attractive, I loved her, she was super awesome, but I just couldn't let her string me along anymore. I had to cut it off.
If you haven't cut a girl off, girls will always play around with you because you're hard to play around with when you'll walk away. But when you're so invested in your money and your time and you go "I have to get an ROI, I have to date this girl, I have to have sex," you're run by your desire and your ego. I'm not.