Dating feels like a waste of time for most men because they repeat the same broken moves: weak dating app photos, boring conversations that never lead to a date, and spending money dating on her terms. It is not hopeless. Fix your photos, fix your messaging, and date on your own terms, and dating starts working for you.
I'm going to be brutally honest with you, bro. For most guys out there in America, dating is a complete waste of time. I'm not trying to make this some doomer "move to Colombia" post - I'm just explaining why so many guys have this mindset, and more importantly, how you can flip this entire situation around.
As somebody who coaches men full-time, I'm seeing their problems live. I'm seeing the issues they're going through every day. And as I talk to more and more guys who are dating here in the States, I start to realize exactly why they think dating is a waste of time.
The Premium Gas Problem - Why Your Dating App Strategy Is Broken
Here's the best analogy I can think of: Let's say you kept putting premium gas into your Honda Civic and you kept driving around town hoping it would sound like a Ferrari or a Lamborghini. After months of overpaying for this premium gas, but you're not going anywhere - you're not hearing that beautiful V12 or V8 sound - you start to get frustrated and you just give up.
But you thought paying for the premium would make your car go faster, right? Wrong. You needed a whole new car. You needed an entirely new car.
A lot of you guys are putting premium gas into a Honda Civic expecting it to sound like a Ferrari. It's not going to sound like that or move like that. You need a new car - and what's that car? That car is new photos.
Your Photo Game Is A Disaster (And Why Premium Won't Save You)
A lot of you guys are doing weird mirror selfies in your bathroom with the toilet seat up, random selfies in your car, and group pictures with all eight or nine of your friends. Then you're paying for premium Hinge, premium Tinder, premium Bumble, and you're expecting a crazy outcome because you bought the premium.
It's not how it works. It's just doing the wrong thing over and over and over again and expecting a new result. That's insane.
Do you know the statistics on dating apps? It's like 35-38% women and the rest is men. So imagine three girls walk into a bar with seven guys - that's pretty much what dating apps are like. And it could be even worse, like 80 to 20 in some areas of the world.
"If I'm looking to my left and right and I see six other guys I'm competing with for three girls, you bet your ass I'm going to try. I'm gonna get a cool haircut, I'm gonna get some cool photos, I'm gonna showcase my lifestyle in a cool way."
Why You're Killing Your Own Matches With Boring Conversations
To make matters worse, let's say your photos aren't even that bad. But then when you get matches, you speak to them like a corporate executive at your job: "Oh wow, is that photo taken in France? Is that the... whatever the hell." And she's like, "Oh my gosh, yes it is."
You guys are talking about nothing. You keep going six messages, eight messages, ten, twelve messages. The girl eventually thinks, "Dude, is this guy going to ask me out or what?" And when you don't ask her out because you think you have to build rapport and make her feel comfortable first, she stops responding.
So you're paying for premium dating app subscriptions, your photos are trash, and on top of that, if you do get a match, you're not flirting and you're not escalating it to a date. The girl thinks, "If this guy isn't even interesting on the phone, how much more interesting will he be in person?"
The Approaching Game - Why Past Rejections Are Holding You Back
Let's do an exercise real quick: When was the last time a girl rejected you? The reason I'm asking you that question is because a lot of times, the rejection that you faced wasn't even that bad. But remember, people don't remember what you said - they remember how you made them feel.
When I'm talking to clients and I ask, "Hey man, why aren't you approaching?" they say, "Oh, this last girl did me dirty." I'm like, "Okay, what happened?" They start to smile a little bit because they know the answer they're about to give is pretty bad.
"I approached this girl and she said she had a boyfriend." I'm like, "Really? That's it?" Then he's like, "Yeah, I know you're right. It's just in that moment it made me feel bad."
So it wasn't the words that she said - it was how the words made him feel. Maybe feel inadequate, not good enough, not attractive enough. A lot of times we're distorting the bad experiences we've had with approaching.
Reality Check: Most guys who leave comments saying "If I approach a girl I could get put in jail" have never been put in jail or even spoke to the police regarding approaching women. You're overexaggerating and distorting reality.
What's actually going to happen most of the time? She'll say she has a boyfriend, or she'll give you her number/Instagram and not text back. That's it. That's the worst thing that could happen.
How Social Media Is Poisoning Your Dating Mindset
One of the biggest things holding guys back is all the negative content online, especially with podcasts or girls making videos in their car for TikTok and Instagram, talking so negatively about men in general. Guys go, "Well, why try?"
A girl will say, "Oh, if you're not 6 foot and you're not making six figures..." A guy who's 5'8 making 80K a year may feel inadequate. That guy may take that video from one girl - mind you, ONE girl - and go, "That's how all girls think. What's the point of even trying?"
Never let any video on social media make you feel like that's the truth. A lot of times, these videos that go viral - is it the silent minority or the silent majority? These girls will talk about what they want in a partner, then end up dating a guy completely opposite to what they said.
You and I both would love a supermodel girlfriend, but who are we gonna be with? A girl that's regular. Let's just keep it real.
"There's somebody that looks like you, who's shorter than you, who weighs more than you, who has what you want. Why? He thinks he's that guy. He doesn't allow social media to penetrate his brain and think negatively about himself."
Stop Dating On Her Terms (This Changes Everything)
The last reason dating is a waste of time for a lot of men is that they're dating on the woman's terms. What are the woman's terms? In a perfect world, for a lot of girls, the perfect case scenario is: you pick her up at her place, you take her to dinner, then you take her home. You do that for a month or two months straight, and then maybe they'll give you sex.
What makes guys go "What's the point?" is there are plenty of guys watching this right now who have done exactly that: Dinner date number one - $175. Dinner date number two - $185. Dinner date number three - $175. He's like, "Bro, I'm almost $500 in and we haven't even kissed yet."
When that happens enough times, he starts to go, "Wait a minute, what's the point of all this? I'm not satisfied." This burns guys out. I've seen plenty of videos of guys in their car right after a date going, "Man, what's the point of this, bro? Meet girls, take them to dinner, buy them flowers like they say, and then they ghost me."
But here's the solution: How about you start dating on YOUR terms?
The Game Changer: Dating On Your Terms
Instead of "I'll pick you up and take you to dinner," try: "Come grab a drink in my area." Now she has to drive 15 minutes to come see you. If she says "that's too far" - great, next!
You need to start giving girls some friction. If you just offer grand dinner dates every time, some girls who don't even like you will go just because you're offering a grand experience and they don't have groceries in the refrigerator.
The 3-Step Solution To Make Dating Work For You
Dating doesn't have to be a waste of time. You can make dating on your terms great. You can make dating in 2025 great. It's just that a lot of times, guys go about it the wrong way.
Step 1: Fix Your Dating App Game
- • Get professional photos or have a friend take quality shots
- • Get a cool haircut that fits your face
- • Showcase your lifestyle properly
- • Stop paying for premium subscriptions with trash photos
Step 2: Master Your Conversation Skills
- • Convert matches to dates in 3-5 messages
- • Stop building "rapport" through endless texting
- • Be flirtatious and interesting from the start
- • Ask her out quickly and confidently
Step 3: Start Approaching In Person
- • Face rejection and build resilience
- • Don't let past rejections hold you back
- • Ignore negative social media content
- • Remember: you can't be everyone's type, and that's okay
When you start dating on your terms - drawing lines in the sand about what you will and won't accept - the girls you end up dating will actually like you. Because I guarantee you, bro, you could be dating girls who are dating you out of convenience while the guy they really want isn't acting right.
I have an 8-week formula that will get you more leads on Instagram, dating apps, and in person. If you're interested in learning more about that, take a look at the coaching program where we can connect and figure out how to get you back on track so dating is good and not a waste of your time.